It was the day before yesterday that I fell down at college. My feet were cosily gripping their way through the rain-soaked pebbles on a long walk to the toilet block when they suddenly met with the slime of a concrete slab and held me stroking in mid-air for half a second. Then I landed plainly on my back against the hardness of the concrete surface. The pain came later. As I can reckon now, the moments just after I had lost my balance and before the pain ensued were filled with some sort of an unexplained excitement. That was the precious quanta of time when the self abandoned its pursuit of the future, ceased to acknowledge the existence of a world outside and chose to be with itself. The world along with all its worries and concerns had melted into oblivion for a split second. As I lied there savouring the joy of this adventurous uncertainty, somebody pulled me up. Everything till then was nothing but joyous. Now, as I figured out that I had fallen and that I was supposed to feel pain, it seemed as if this very knowledge was materializing into pain. I could sense it ripping its way through the spine and spreading to virtually every part of my body.
My two friends, who were walking with me, on sensing that I was no longer with them, had come to lift me up. They took me to a tap to wash away the dirt from the back of my shirt. One of them devotedly took to the task while the other stood there watching,constantly intimating me of the first one's progress with the shirt as if he had been a newly appointed commentator of FIFA World Cup 2010. After the wet and tedious task, we went back to the class but only to lose the attendance of the period. I managed to tell only very few of my friends about the fall. Everybody forgot it soon enough – I would have myself if it had not been for the pain. Hardly anyone seemed to understand how a long screw had been going round and round inside my back-bone. Nobody asked how I felt and I chose to tell none.
The usual me would have jumped at the first opportunity to tell my parents about any trouble I had got myself into and would have given them a thoroughly exaggerated statement of what had happened. I always liked to see them worried about me – for me it was a token of their love, a private pleasure. But this time I surprised myself by not choosing to share the bone-wrenching experience. It took no special effort to resist the temptation. Something had got into my mind other than the pain. The next morning when I woke up, it was quite difficult for me to move. And lying there idly in my bed, for the first time in my life I felt that I was alone. It felt as if I couldn’t share the experience with anybody. Till then my life was full of people who were inseparable from my emotions. Now I could sense something rather unpleasant lurking in a veiled layer of my mind. It occurred to me that nothing would be the same from now on.
For better or for worse, at least one year after passing the age of social adulthood, I knew I was growing up. . . . . . . . . . . .
Order is necessary for anything to sustain and for anything to evolve, chaos is necessary. There is no reason as to why this blog must exist. I would call it ‘unreasonable spontaneity’ (no, I am not yet into quantum physics). Like art, like philosophy let the need of its existence be unexplored. For anybody out there who is so particular about reasons (I ought to satisfy readers of all tastes), let us say that it evolved from the mental chaos succeeding a minor, unimportant fall. I know that is the lamest of reasons, but I do hate reasons and thus can’t help it anymore.
I do not intend to give the reader any description of myself. But as we get along more upon this road, I promise to lay bare my soul unto you. And we will no more discuss the silly frustrations of a teenage-adult-boy in here.
From now on, we are into more serious trouble . . . . . . . . .
My two friends, who were walking with me, on sensing that I was no longer with them, had come to lift me up. They took me to a tap to wash away the dirt from the back of my shirt. One of them devotedly took to the task while the other stood there watching,constantly intimating me of the first one's progress with the shirt as if he had been a newly appointed commentator of FIFA World Cup 2010. After the wet and tedious task, we went back to the class but only to lose the attendance of the period. I managed to tell only very few of my friends about the fall. Everybody forgot it soon enough – I would have myself if it had not been for the pain. Hardly anyone seemed to understand how a long screw had been going round and round inside my back-bone. Nobody asked how I felt and I chose to tell none.
The usual me would have jumped at the first opportunity to tell my parents about any trouble I had got myself into and would have given them a thoroughly exaggerated statement of what had happened. I always liked to see them worried about me – for me it was a token of their love, a private pleasure. But this time I surprised myself by not choosing to share the bone-wrenching experience. It took no special effort to resist the temptation. Something had got into my mind other than the pain. The next morning when I woke up, it was quite difficult for me to move. And lying there idly in my bed, for the first time in my life I felt that I was alone. It felt as if I couldn’t share the experience with anybody. Till then my life was full of people who were inseparable from my emotions. Now I could sense something rather unpleasant lurking in a veiled layer of my mind. It occurred to me that nothing would be the same from now on.
For better or for worse, at least one year after passing the age of social adulthood, I knew I was growing up. . . . . . . . . . . .
Order is necessary for anything to sustain and for anything to evolve, chaos is necessary. There is no reason as to why this blog must exist. I would call it ‘unreasonable spontaneity’ (no, I am not yet into quantum physics). Like art, like philosophy let the need of its existence be unexplored. For anybody out there who is so particular about reasons (I ought to satisfy readers of all tastes), let us say that it evolved from the mental chaos succeeding a minor, unimportant fall. I know that is the lamest of reasons, but I do hate reasons and thus can’t help it anymore.
I do not intend to give the reader any description of myself. But as we get along more upon this road, I promise to lay bare my soul unto you. And we will no more discuss the silly frustrations of a teenage-adult-boy in here.
From now on, we are into more serious trouble . . . . . . . . .
Now only i came 2 know,u felldown july,Atleast u could hav informed me....
ReplyDeleteIts taking me 2 a strong feeling dat am a perfectly "stranger"for you...